


Now and Then

by steffilinos



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-23
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-22 07:12:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2499173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steffilinos/pseuds/steffilinos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Sho was right in not trusting the yukata as it’s already coming undone. Jun has rolled to his side, practically staring at the exposed patch of skin of the other’s left shoulder glowing in the moonlight, gathering all his will to not reach out and touch.</i>
</p>
<p>A lost booking leads to Jun and Sho sharing a room after concert. A loose yukata leads to Jun thinking about the past. And then one thing leads to another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now and Then

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mynamelessname](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mynamelessname/gifts).



> This was written for [mynamelessname](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mynamelessname/profile) during the [Kitto Slut Party](http://kitto-slutparty.livejournal.com/profile). I’d like to thank [KitKaos](http://archiveofourown.org/users/KitKaos/profile) as well as an anonymous beta for helping me with this baby. I got inspiration from [ this post ](http://zero-monday-arashi.tumblr.com/post/91434497331/sho-masaki-and-bathrobes). Oh, I guess you could compare a yukata to a bathrobe and an obi to a belt. But as both aren’t completely the same, I stuck to the Japanese names.

It is getting late by the time they arrive at the hotel, barely able to keep their eyes open after a long and stressful day. It’s funny how close one comes to an almost comatose state once the adrenaline high from a concert has ebbed off. Getting out of the car seems to be a mammoth task, but the promise of a nice and comfortable bed keeps them going. 

It’s their first night in Sapporo with two more concerts to come before they return to Tokyo for the final – or rather the final five – and they are already tired and a little stressed out from the past three venues. Somehow it seems a small miracle that they’re still able to keep up this mad schedule, nobody getting sick, nobody passing out, nobody complaining. Arashi and their staff are a well-oiled machine, enjoying the time they get to spend on stage and on the road as much as they’ll cherish the time back at home within their own four walls.

Tired, the five of them drag their feet through the lobby towards the front desk, all hoping for a quick check-in. Jun just wants to hit the shower, watch a bit of TV, and maybe have a drink before dozing off. Tomorrow, they’ll have to rise early for an equally long day.

Looking to his left he realizes that Sho’s fallen behind, holding his cellphone up to catch a signal before turning around and trying his luck outside. As if this couldn’t wait for another five minutes…

“Guys, why don’t you just go ahead, I’ll wait for Sho. Meet you tomorrow at breakfast.” Somehow Jun feels it would be rude to leave his colleague all on his own. Besides, he could use a smoke before going to bed – and unlike some of the others, he’d rather die than pollute the air in his room.

The rest of Arashi just nods, obviously too tired to disagree or come up with a better plan. Also it’s not like he’s skipping a group dinner, so Jun didn’t expect any protest in the first place.

Sho’s talking into his phone when Jun joins him outside of the hotel, thankfully accepting the cigarette Jun offers him with a tired smile. As much as Sho’s face has changed over the years, transformed from a rebellious teen to a hard-working adult, his smile has remained the same – open, warm, infectious. It is a sight Jun couldn’t possibly tire of.

“No, listen… yes. Please mail me the memo, I’ll have a look at it but I think it should be fine. No, you don’t have to do it now, I’d just like to prepare before the interview. Mhmm.”  
Funny how people tend to nod even though the person of the other side can’t see it – Sho is no exception to that rule. Yet Jun is convinced you can feel it just as you register a smile at the other end of the line.

Jun lights both of their cigarettes, first Sho’s then his, and turns to check his own cellphone to give his colleague a little privacy. He likes this hotel, likes the hedge surrounding it, which makes their little smoke outside even possible without another ‘scandal’ in the papers. Why everyone holds their breath when they read about an idol dating, drinking or smoking is beyond Jun – they’re all human, aren’t they? And nobody can possibly believe they’re truly living their lives as abstinent monks.

“Yes, thank you very much for your hard work, have a good night.” Hanging up, Sho yawns and stretches, thereby exposing a little skin just above his waistband. Not that Jun is looking…

“Call it a day?” he wants to know.

“Call it a day.” Sho nods and puts his cell away. “God, I’m so tired. Seriously, all I want is a nice hot bath, a beer and a warm bed. I’m getting old.”

“Now that you mention it…” Sighing dramatically, Jun shakes his head as if this revelation has been weighing on him for quite some time.

Sho just snorts but can’t keep a straight face for long, eventually breaking into laughter where Jun joins in. It’s good to see he no longer takes himself too seriously – something his friend had to learn over the years. Come to think of it, not only has Sho’s face changed but so has his personality. However, Sho is still Sho – only a little calmer, more balanced.

“Have I congratulated you on another brilliant concert yet, MatsuJun?”

Although he hasn’t heard it for the first time today, the compliment’s still music to Jun’s ears. “About five times, but thank you. I’m really happy with how things have turned out so far.”

For a second, Sho looks thoughtful as he leans back and takes a long drag from his cigarette, but then his eyes come to rest on Jun again. “Me too. So, do you have any plans for after the tour? Enjoying the ‘ample’ free time we have?”

“Sleep. I think I’m going to sleep and then sleep some more. Go out, see friends and family… maybe go surfing – I honestly don’t know yet.” Jun just shrugs his shoulders. Not having a plan is something new but also something he’d like to try. “I take it you’ll go on holiday and torture us with your travel videos when you’re back?”

“First – you love my videos and you know it. Just as much as you love the souvenirs. But yeah, that’s about the plan.” 

The older they become, the harder it gets to get a few days off with all their variety shows and programs – but that makes them enjoy the little spare time they get all the more. And Sho’s right, Jun actually enjoys the videos Sho makes them watch. Sometimes.

“Try to not reply to any work mails. Even better, leave your tablet and cell at home.”

Sho just snorts and takes a final drag, grinding the cigarette with his shoe and picks up the stub to throw it away. “C’mon, it’s getting late. Hurry up a little, will ya?” Jun’s about to protest when he notices the other man grinning – he knows he has all the time he wants to finish.

Sometimes it’s still amazing how such a slow eater as Sho can finish his smoke so quickly while Jun knows he tends to eat fast, but he has barely smoked half of his cigarette. Still, Sho is right – it is getting late, so he blows out the last of the smoke in his lungs and disposes of his cigarette. 

“Very well, let’s try to get some sleep, alright?”

They enter the lobby and approach the front desk – and Jun could swear the two employees behind it look nervous. It isn’t uncommon that some women avoid looking them in the eye, but he’s fairly certain both of them looked more relaxed when he came in for the first time only a few minutes ago.

“Welcome to the Sapporo Park Hotel. Matsumoto-san, we’ve already prepared your card, if you would please just sign here,” woman number one says, looking a little relieved as he comes to stop in front of her. Okay? This is getting weird.

Mumbling a thank you, he signs with his name and accepts his key card… to catch a “What do you mean you don’t have my room?” to his left.

When he looks up, Sho’s good humor from earlier has vanished and he is glowering at the hotel employee, who is shrinking back visibly.

An apologetic expression on her face, she bows, “I am truly sorry, Sakurai-san, but I can not find your room reservation anywhere in our system. I would offer you any of the suites in compensation, but I am afraid all of them are booked at the moment. We are completely full.”

Jun knows the expression Sho’s wearing right now – it’s the I-have-a-very-hard-time-not-making-a-scene one – which is never a good sign.

“Maybe you can check again?” The words might sound polite but Jun knows they translate to ‘you better fix this quick’. Apparently, so does the woman behind the counter.

“I’m afraid I…” The look she gets from Sho leads to hectic typing but, eventually, she’s shaking her head in defeat. “I am really sorry for the inconvenience, Sakurai-san. Please allow me to organize you a room in another hotel. Of course, we will provide you with transfer.”

Jun is already on the verge of mediating as he sees Sho’s expression darken even more, then melt into a look of frustrated exhaustion. “This has to be a mistake. Are you sure you’re completely booked?” Sho starts massaging the bridge of his nose.

The woman looks even more apologetic, if that’s possible. “I will check again, Sir, but I am positive there is not even a broom closet left in this building I could offer you. Please accept our offer to book you into another hotel close by.”

Sho scowls. “How far is ‘close by’?”

The apology in the woman’s eyes is joined by a measure of guilt. “Thirty minutes.”

Sho huffs, barely able to keep his anger in any longer – so it’s no wonder he answers through clenched teeth, the fake smile on his face not fooling anyone. “Doesn’t look like I really have a choice, now, do I?”

He turns to Jun and mouths an ‘unbelievable’ before checking his watch, clearly not liking what he sees. 

“Why don’t you just stay in my room for the night?” The words are out before Jun really knows what he’s saying, fighting the urge to cover his mouth seconds later. But then again – why not? It wouldn’t be the first time they shared a room and there is no way it can be smaller than what they got back in Arashi’s early days.

“MatsuJun, that’s really nice, but I’d hate to impose…”

“Oh, don’t be stupid, you’re not imposing. You have queen-size beds in your rooms, is that correct?”

“Yes, Sir, that’s correct. But are you sure we cannot offer both of you something larger in a different hotel?” The smile the hotel employee is giving is almost overly bright, all polite reticence aside. She seems grateful for his interference – maybe Jun should ask for her number. Maybe not.

So he sighs. “It’s all right. Really. We’re just tired and want to get some sleep as soon as possible.”

“You will be hearing from management, though,” Sho adds, grumbling.

Jun can’t resist the temptation to roll his eyes – of course Sho’s being Sho. The poor woman looks positively relieved when they finally leave the lobby and enter the elevator.

“Can you believe it…” Apparently, his Sho’s not ready to drop the topic just yet.

“She’s just doing her job Sho-chan,” Jun tries, although he already knows it’s useless. 

“Well, someone’s doing it poorly.” Pouting, Sho crosses his arms and watches the numbers on the display change with every floor. “Nearby hotel, my ass…”

“Stop complaining, you’ve got a roof over your head for the night, don’t you?”

“Yeah, about that…” Jun watches the anger fade from Sho’s face as he turns to him. “Thank you. Really. You know I would have taken the other hotel as well.”

“Don’t mention it.” With a dismissive wave of his hand, Jun hopes to end that topic. “And I mean it, please don’t mention it. I’m tired and I’d hate to throw you out because you can’t stop rambling on about unreliable hotel staff.”

At this, Sho laughs.

They exit the elevator in companionable silence and when they reach the room, Jun swipes his keycard and motions for Sho to go ahead.

“Nice room you have there,” his friend comments as he enters, immediately kicking off his shoes. Talk about unbelievable…

“I see I don’t have to tell you to make yourself at home?” Pulling the door shut behind them, Jun puts his suitcase down and slips out of his shoes as well. 

How long has it been since they last shared a room? Probably training camp, but that was something different as all of Arashi were there. Somehow, it makes him think of the times he spent at Sho’s house after a tutoring session – and although they should go to bed soon, Jun’s also looking forward to catching up with his friend. Everyone who’s ever had a sleepover knows that no conversation’s like the ones you have after three ‘good night’s’ when the lights are already out.

“Oh no. You’ve got to be shitting me!” Sho’s swearing cuts through his thoughts and makes him look up. If Sho’s also complaining about the bed size now, he’s going to sleep in the bathroom.

“What now?”

Instead of an answer, Sho turns around from where he’s standing and holds something up that seems to be his shampoo. Open shampoo.

“Oh.” On a side note, it’s also the one Jun got him for his birthday. “Well, shit.”

“You can say that again. It’s practically everywhere, my whole suitcase,” Sho’s voice turns whiney.

Jun can understand his frustration. All they wanted was to get a good night’s rest before tomorrow’s concert, and then they first lost Sho’s room reservation and now… “You think the hotel laundry can fix this?”

“They better!” Unsure what to do with his shampoo, Sho just places it on the coffee table, very much to Jun’s dismay. He’ll wash over it when Sho isn’t looking, hating stains no matter if it’s at home or on some random table in his hotel room.

“Fuck, it’s even on my fucking pyjama… you’ve got any clothes you can spare?”

Jun’s mind snaps to attention at the question, the shampoo stain forgotten for the moment, even if his movements are a little more controlled. He forces a shrug. “I guess.” But Sho asking him for clothes and smiling at him gratefully – immediately, he begins to size up his friend and cross-reference what would look good on him with what’s in his own suitcase.

“I’m not picky. Just something for tonight and maybe breakfast tomorrow. Now excuse me while I get those people to work for their money.” And with that, Sho strides over to the phone on the desk and dials purposefully.

While his friend’s negotiating with the hotel, Jun moves over to his suitcase to search for something Sho could wear for the night. And breakfast. Not as easy a task as it might sound like.

Although they are similar in height, they do have a different build. Concert season has both of them in top shape, but the truth is that Sho’s got wider hips than him, no matter how you look at it. No way any of his pants will fit him – even if he slimmed town to the sick 49 kg he had while shooting Quiz Show 2. 

Jun turns around when he hears Sho hang up – surprised to see him relatively relaxed.

“Okay, they’re going to pick my stuff up and bring an extra blanket plus more pillows for the bed. At least they’ve got good service here, apart from losing bookings…”

“Good to know,” Jun smiles thinly. “How long’s it gonna take them?”

“Tomorrow morning. At least the most important stuff.”

“Good, good.” He nods absentmindedly. “What about your pyjamas?”

“Tomorrow as well. Why? Something wrong?”

For just a second, Jun fidgets, then decides to just come right out with it. “I don’t think any of my stuff would fit you comfortably. I’m sorry.”

“You serious?” Sho’s shoulders drop and, probably out of instinct, he looks past Jun to his suitcase.

“You could wear the hotel yukata?”

“Oh, I hate these things. At least to sleep in. I mean, they always come undone and I wake up naked and go like – what? How did that happen?” 

Jun’s heard the story more than once, although never witnessed it first-hand.

“So, for both our sakes, I’d rather…” Sho continues.

“C’mon, we make sure it’s tied well and we should both be fine,” Jun tries with a finality that is mostly driven by his sleepiness. They could go on debating sleeping arrangements for ages – he wouldn’t want to get started on his usual habits, or Sho’s loud snoring for that matter.

Another longing look to his soapy suitcase, a huff that morphs into a yawn, and Sho finally nods. “Can’t be helped then, can it?”

**~*~**

Sho was right in not trusting the yukata as it’s already coming undone. Jun has rolled to his side, practically staring at the exposed patch of skin of the other’s left shoulder glowing in the moonlight, gathering all his will to not reach out and touch.

He knows his friend is incredibly self-conscious when it comes to his shoulders, Arashi making a show out of teasing him for their angled shape – but Jun thinks they are marvelous. He’d rather die than tell Sho, though.

It’s a good thing the other is fast asleep already – snoring happily in a way that normally drives Jun crazy. How could he forget about the snoring when he offered to share the room anyway? Back in the days when they still had to share rooms, he would usually trade if paired up with Sho. Although he knows that’s only half of the truth. The snoring is part of it, but the more important part was his adoration for his sempai. It always left him awake and confused, not to say embarrassed.

While he’s now gaping at the peaceful face and the naked skin, he is reminded of the teenage self he has put behind him so long ago. The exposed shoulder looks so… soft and cool to the touch, almost unreal. 

Back then when he was still telling everyone who would listen about him being Sho’s number one fan, back then when he didn’t yet understand what he was feeling, he would have just reached out. His teenage self had a huge crush on his sempai, Jun can admit that now. He has worked hard to overcome said crush. Is still working hard.

Which is why he’s just lying there, his eyes traveling what he can see of Sho, but keeping his hands to himself.

When Sho stirs slightly, the obi strains against the movement and the yukata slides even more, giving Jun more to see. Sho has definitely buffed up for concerts – but somehow there’s a difference whether Jun looks at Sho after a concert in the dressing room or watching him now when his eyes can actually linger without the danger of being caught. 

It’s like back in the old days when he sometimes stayed over at Sho’s house after a tutoring session. His friend was already busy snoring the night away while Jun lay propped on his elbows and watched him like the little creep he was – apparently still is. But it is hard turning his eyes away now, hard not to watch Sho’s chest rise and fall, hard not… oh fuck this!

Sho doesn’t trust the yukata already, there’s no way he’d suspect Jun if he… ‘helps’ a little, right? This can hardly count as molesting, all he wants to do is look, once the fabric’s off he’ll behave and keep his hands to himself again. 

So Jun carefully reaches out. His hand slowly wanders to a decidedly large crease in the yukata – it can’t be comfortable to sleep this way, he reasons his actions. Closes his fingers around the fabric and pulls, slowly and steadily. He doesn’t want to risk waking Sho – he just wants to get a better look.

His teeth are digging into his lower lip, heart hammering.

There, that’s better. And the snoring hasn’t even subsided for an instant. It is beyond him, how one single sleeping person can be so noisy – or how none of their neighbors come over to knock at their door and tell them to keep it down a little.

Jun’s eyes hungrily take in everything they can see – smooth skin covering a toned body, little imperfections every here and there, tiny scars with stories yet to be shared… a lonely belly button. It’s a shame Sho decided it wouldn’t suit a newscaster to wear any kind of piercing. Jun can live with the earring gone just fine, but he truly misses Sho’s bellybutton piercing shining through his shirts at shootings.

He remembers he was fantasizing, back as a teenager, what he would do to that piercing and Sho’s navel. Daydreamed about the noises Sho would make when Jun’s tongue caressed the cool metal playfully – he knows Sho has always been ticklish, so he has some idea what that would sound like. Also, one of the girls he dated had a bellybutton piercing, too – maybe that’s what attracted him to her in the first place. And those sweet little noises she would make…

Jun swallows hard, his mind giving him pictures of Sho in that very position; what that would sound like.

Before he knows what he’s doing, he’s reaching out and his fingertip is ghosting over the slight bump that is all that’s left of the piercing.

That’s when Sho stirs in his sleep, mumbling something about key cards and turns – and Jun freezes. God, what is he doing? His hand still outstretched in mid-air, his mind provides Jun with a different sort of pictures now – Sho finding out, calling him a creep, leaving. And who could possibly blame him? Hasn’t he just invaded his personal space?

Jun feels guilty as he turns and buries his face deeper into the pillows. Even knowing what he knows… he also realizes that this will always be a dream, the ghost of a teenager not quite ready to admit defeat just yet. But he’s almost thirty now, and maybe it’s time to let go.

Most definitely, it is time to get some sleep. So Jun grabs an extra pillow to block out Sho’s snoring and starts counting sheep…

**~*~**

”To success!”

”To success!” Their glasses clinked for the millionth time that night before the burning alcohol hits their throats. Long way past drinks, they had eventually settled for shots – but if this night didn’t call for celebration, then what did?

Hana Yori Dango 2 had closed with exceptional ratings and although no official word was out as of yet, things looked pretty darn good in regards to a movie sequel. They’d really made it, he’d really made it. Not only were Arashi’s sales steadily going up, he by now was a household name when it came to leading roles in J-doramas and movies – not to mention CMs, his own radio show and all the other endorsements. 

He couldn’t know for sure, but Jun liked to think that he was making even more money than Sho – not the thing you should be thinking of when you were supposed to be a team player and actually loved your band, but it just felt incredibly good to finally be somebody, to deserve the title ‘elite’ he’d hated for so long thanks to insecurities and whatnot.

Riding the wave of success, Jun had absolutely no trouble getting used to it.

No longer was he the awkward teenager who still had to grow into both his body and personality, just as well as out of his stupid crush for his sempai. Braces and acne had gone, turning him into an equally handsome and successful young man who had girls line up for him. No more heartache, no more longing – he had it all. Money, fame, women – and to make things even better, someone with whom he could share his taste in expensive clubs, pretty women and nightly adventures.

He and Shun had hit it off (almost) immediately when they’d met on the set of Gokusen and now seemed to climb the steps to fame and glory together. Okay, maybe they’d had a somewhat rocky start, but did it matter now? A little challenge every now and then, a bit of friendly competition from time to time couldn’t hurt, right? But not tonight. Tonight they were out and about to dance the night away and celebrate their joint success – with even more to come.

“Matsumoto, fucking stop daydreaming and drink up. Don’t wanna keep the ladies waiting…”

Blinking, Jun found his shot glass refilled yet again while Shun was already staring impatiently in the dance floor’s direction. It looked just like he had spotted the lucky girl he’d grant his attentions and affections to – for one night. His friend had never been the persistent type and pretty much lost interest the second he got what he wanted, moving on to the next conquest and starting the chase all over again.

Not that Jun was any better – hell no. Jun might have been a romantic once and still claimed to be one whenever reporters asked him – it just sold better in teen magazines. Plus Johnny would have his head if he heard about his consecutive one-nights stands in the media. But Jun had learned his lesson well. Besides, if you couldn’t have what you wanted, it was about time to look for something else.

That girl with hair dyed hazelnut wearing a figure-hugging blue dress looked just like the ‘something else’ he’d need for tonight. Something pretty to keep his mind off things. So Jun toasted his friend, emptied his glass in one gulp and got up from his bar stool.

“All right then, let’s go.”

They were regulars here with the crowd used to their presence. Jun enjoyed the looks he got – they got – but appreciated the privacy they were granted at the very same time. The joys of an exclusive VIP area in a posh Roppongi night club – no chases for autographs, no needless begging for pictures, no secret smartphone candids you found on gossip sites the morning after. He and Shun had their reasons for coming back here again and again, with good service just being one of them.

Namie Amuro’s ‘Hide & Seek’ was booming from the speakers when Jun hit the dance floor, Shun already gone to start his ‘courtship’ – he was really quick when it came to that. Luckily, Jun had no trouble dancing on his own – especially as he never stayed alone for long. But he enjoyed a few moments to himself before he joined in on the chase.

So, closing his eyes, Jun let his head fall back and allowed the music to take over, giving in to the beat. It was nice letting the rhythm and general feeling direct his movements.  
On his night off, no spotlight was following his steps and he could do as he pleased, gently swaying his hips to the chorus with the little space that was his. Of course, the floor was packed on a Saturday night, but Jun liked the anonymity a large crowd gave him. It was hard to make out a celebrity among a sea of bodies…

“Eh, MatsuJun!”

The sound of his name slurred over booming R’n’B beats made him open his eyes and look around. The voice had sounded familiar, not the squealing hysterics of a fangirl who didn’t know better to leave him be in his precious little spare time – and his suspicion was confirmed the moment Sho embraced him in a tight hug.

Sho smelled of sweat, alcohol and a night that had lasted already too long – still Jun couldn’t help but smile despite himself as he patted his colleague’s back. It was a rare treat to get one of Sho’s hugs when no camera was around, just as it didn’t occur too often to see him outside of work. Although it wasn’t the first time he’d seen Sho drunk as this guy couldn’t hold his liquor to save his life.

“What are you doing here?” Laughing, Jun broke free from the other’s embrace and looked around to see if there were more familiar faces. There were none, just Sho… He felt like smacking himself for noticing the tight-fitting red V-neck and what it did to underline Sho’s recent visits to the gym.

“Erm…” Sho started looking around as if he was hoping for clues, but then pointed in the bar’s direction where a group of five young men in similar red V-necks were ordering their drinks. Judging from their haircuts they were probably Keio friends of Sho’s. “We’re having a stag party. Bar hopping and all that…”

“Uh-huh…” Jun nodded with a smirk on his face – this at least explained the state Sho was currently in. He couldn’t help but wonder how many bars and clubs they’d ‘hopped’ to already and how many more were to come. His friend wouldn’t last too many more as things were now.

“C’mon, I’ll introduce you to the guys…” Jun had little choice but to follow as Sho was pulling him by the arm and dragging him away from moving bodies and humming speakers to the group of V-necks. When he’d said ‘something else’ he’d clearly had something else in mind.

“Guys, I take it you all know my colleague and dear friend Matsumoto Jun?” Despite Sho stumbling over one or the other syllable, Jun couldn’t help but smile at being called ‘dear friend’ in front of strangers. He’d almost forgotten how Sho tended to open up and let his guard down when he was drunk. Not that he was about to complain.

“Guys.” He nodded in the strangers’ direction as a certain someone had forgotten to mention the others’ names. “I’ve heard you’re all here to celebrate. Whom may I congratulate?” Keio One raised his hand, face not only red from a night filled with liquor. How sweet. “Then please allow me to pay for the next round?” Jun took the drunken cheers as a yes.

It wasn’t quite the night Jun had pictured when he’d headed out with Shun – on the contrary. By now, he should at least be dancing with one of these girls with way too little self-respect. It wasn’t his problem if they were working out daddy issues or just wanted to sleep with an idol – just as long as he got to score without dishing out lies. 

But there was none of that. Instead, he’d be spending the night with Sho and his college friends, toasting to monogamy, fertility, happy marriages and whatnot all night long. Eventually, Shun had joined them, bitching about some – quote – “uptight bitch” – end of quote. His anger had faded pretty quickly as more shots had been passed around and anecdotes had become salacious. Shun sure had his fair share of stories to contribute to everyone’s amusement.

“… No, seriously, I’m not kidding. I was standing stark naked on the balcony for the better part of an hour until her dad was finally gone. Did I mention it was in the middle of winter? I thought I’d made it but, unfortunately, her window was facing the drive way…” Shun snorted before he joined into the others’ laughter, toasting with what little was left in his shot glass. 

“Oguri-san, you’re making this up, right? Please tell me you’re making this up.” Sho almost spilled his drink on his red shirt as he was trying to stifle his laughter. 

“Never, I swear! By my blue balls.” Cupping his crotch as if to check he hadn’t lost them, Shun encouraged even more laughter from the group. Sometimes Jun envied him for his ability to make friends almost instantly, very much like Aiba or Toma. At the same time, he was relieved he and Sho got along so well. For some reason he’d been convinced the two would clash…

“But enough talk. How ‘bout we hit the dance floor while we’re still up for dancing? Good for the circulation and all…” Expectantly, Shun had a look around and was already getting up. 

The groom-to-be, Takahashi something, nodded and Sho seemed to like the idea as well, following Shun’s lead in standing up although swaying noticeably. “There are enough people dancing – no room to fall down.”

Not too sure if this was really true, Jun made a mental note to keep an eye on his friend. The last thing they needed was another cutting headline – not now that the waves the pictures of Aiba with Asami had caused were finally ebbing away. An unconscious Sakurai Sho dragged from the dance floor would surely sell like gold – but also lead to a rather unpleasant meeting in either Johnny’s or Julie’s office.

Jun was surprised to find Sho wasn’t just able to stand upright but to actually move to the rhythm of Kumi Koda’s ‘Black Cherry’. He probably wouldn’t win a dance-off, but then again, when did he ever stand a chance? At least he wasn’t doing worse than his friends and alcohol didn’t just loosen his tongue but also some of the stiffness in his Sho’s hips. Talk about miracles. 

It had been a while since Jun had last danced in a group of men instead of chasing the girl for the night, but he found that he was having a blast. For a change, he didn’t need to drop a cheesy line every now and then to keep his company hopeful and interested, thereby paving his way straight to the next best love hotel. No, he could just let go, relax, be himself and enjoy the others’ company.

Surprisingly, Shun hadn’t left to try his luck elsewhere. Jun couldn’t remember the last time he hadn’t searched the club for his friend and eventually settled for a text to let him know he was off to get off – too much information that usually came hand-in-hand with too much liquor. Nor could he remember the last time he’d danced the night away with Sho.

It felt good, even though his sempai was occasionally stepping on his toes and thus on his expensive Italian leather shoes – but Jun couldn’t possibly stay mad at him – not when he received such a warm and open smile for an apology.

One might have thought the dancing had helped them to sober up a little, but at least Sho was too far gone already, putting his happy drunk personality to full display, which would have made Aiba proud. He even went on to dance with them – with his Keio friends, with Shun (which looked somewhat hilarious, given the difference in height)… with Jun.

Proximity was nothing new to them. Heck, they were idols, Johnnys on top of that – but there was a difference whether you cuddled up for a good shot, gave a peck in terms of fanservice or if you had your bandmate’s arms around your waist while moving to electronic mash-up beats of Ayumi Hamasaki’s ‘Evolution’.

Jun knew Sho was drunk. He also knew that the other didn’t give it any thought as he was dancing with everyone and just having a good time – and how could he possibly know that this strange – unscripted – intimacy had Jun’s imagination running wild?

Oh, hadn’t he come such a long way? Just an hour ago he’d been looking for something else and now he was basically high-fiveing his 15-year-old self, who was cheering him on from the sidelines. All it took was to have Sho this close, his body heat against his own, sweat glistering on his forehead with lips slightly parted.

Tempted to close his eyes and just go with it, Jun felt his own arm going round Sho’s waist, subconsciously pulling the other a little closer. This was all fun and games, right? Just two friends dancing, having a good time. It wasn’t his fault they were this close as there was hardly any room to breathe on the dance floor. 

It wasn’t his fault a warm fuzzy feeling was starting to build in his belly, slowly spreading…

“I think I’ll need a drink, please excuse me.” Not waiting for a reply, Jun left – fled – before anyone could think of accompanying him. Shit – he’d really had one too many. Almost losing control like that didn’t suit him very well. It was just one sip, one fleeting taste and he was hooked again like a recovering alcoholic in front of a single-malt whiskey. No ice.

Instead of heading for the bar, Jun changed direction once he was sure he was out of sight to vanish into the restrooms. Quickly making sure that the other stall was empty, he closed the door behind him – and sighed.

Oh god, he was so screwed. Was that really all it took to let his resolution crumble to dust? And why Sho, of all people? If he’d had a stupid crush on one of his co-stars, he could still wait for the end of shooting and then finally breathe, get over it. But Sho… with Arashi’s mad schedule, he saw him on an almost daily basis, which made it really hard to get some distance between them.

Even though it had been a while since they’d been as close as back when Sho’d been tutoring him – basically blackmailing him into finishing high school – things hadn’t gotten any easier. Although he had come to terms with his bisexuality by now and no longer wondered about his hands down his pants after a very vivid dream, he also knew the scandal a relationship would bring. 

People were running wild when a picture of him and some female celebrity surfaced – if they caught him with a man, let alone a colleague… no, there would be consequences. Arashi could steadily turn into the Jimusho’s cash cow, there were things Johnny would neither allow nor overlook. Which made it all the more aggravating that Jun still felt attracted to Sho, making his life unnecessarily difficult – and all that didn’t even touch the whole Sho digging women problem.

Sighing, Jun sat down on the closed toilet and buried his face in his slightly shaking hands. He needed to cool down a little, get a grip on himself before he could go back out again, face the party and excuse himself for the night. Just to be on the safe side, he better make sure to find some girl to keep him company for a few hours – just to get his mind off things.

He almost shrieked when the door to the men’s room was pushed open, instinctively pulling his feet up when he heard two familiar voices.

“Wait, I’ll just check…” Shun, definitely Shun who was still able to properly articulate by some miracle.

Out of reflex, Jun held his breath as the door to his stall moved – shit, he’d forgotten to lock it. But then again – why was he worrying? His pants were still on and it wasn’t as if his friends were interrupting anything. 

“Hurry up, will ya?” Sho sounded way more sober than when Jun had left him with his group of friends on the dance floor – but the pushy note got Jun curious. It tended to creep into the other’s voice whenever he was waiting for something, on the brink of losing his patience. 

“Eager much?”

Shun let go of Jun’s door without really checking and Jun exhaled silently, still unable and unwilling to speak. Something was off, but his mind didn’t seem to be able to process the information it was getting.

“Oh, shut up, that’ll make two of us then…” Jun could swear he could see Sho roll his eyes in annoyance even through the wooden door that separated him from his friends. 

Eyes widening, it suddenly dawned on him what was going on when he heard both of them entering the stall next door and the lock shut with a loud click. Oh fuck, oh… what now? Should he say something now? Reveal himself before it was too late…

“So…”

Shun was silenced with a smacking sound that seemed to be the start of a heated kiss – Jun couldn’t know for sure, not without seeing – but the muffled sounds and breaths were a pretty good indication. Apparently, the others were done talking for now, lumbering against the locked door and pressing their bodies together, judging from the rustling fabrics.

Too late. It was too late to say something now, not if he didn’t want to make things awkward. Ha!

It sounded like someone was fumbling with the other’s belt, metal clinking against metal, probably a belt buckle. Heavy breathing – and suddenly a thunk against the thin wall separating the two stalls that had Jun almost jump.

“Damn,” Shun’s voice carried over to him, low and with a husky edge to it. “Sakurai you’re one lousy…” 

Jun never heard the end of Shun’s sentence – but his imagination was running wild as a head obviously bumped against the wall and a low moan escaped his friend. Jun was too busy picturing Sho’s hand down Shun’s pants to even scratch all the questions that were popping up in his head due to what was happening right now.

Was he smirking? Knowing Sho, even if not in this particular way, he was smirking as he was moving his hand slowly up and down, coaxing one low moan after the other from his friend – his wrist probably scratching against Shun’s zipper, leaving tiny red marks on his skin while keeping up his rhythm. Talk about not wasting any time.

Jun’s thoughts were chasing each other around in his head, running in circles. Sho. And Shun! Sho – was into guys! Or at least into a hunk like Shun, towering over him by a good five to six inches… and… fuck it! Why…

“No marks where anyone can see them,” he heard a breathless growl from the taller man, then slight shuffling footsteps and someone being practically crashed into the wall facing away from the stall Jun was so unintentionally eavesdropping in.

“Well, maybe it’s time you finally lose those fucking pants of yours. Just a suggestionnnn…” Sho’s last words sounded strangely out of breath but Jun had a good idea where this was coming from. The sound of fingernails over tight denim, a primal sound from Sho added to what the dance had started and he could feel himself growing harder by the second. 

“You talk too much…” Shun mumbled against – Sho’s neck? Jaw? Collarbone? If only Jun could see… 

“Do something about it if you don’t like it.” He probably shouldn’t be as surprised as he was that Sho showed his competitive streak even when it came to this. Jun had no trouble picturing Sho’s raised chin, daring glint in those deep brown eyes of his as he was challenging Shun.

Who actually sounded… amused, even if his tone was still thick with lust. “You betcha.” More rustling fabric. Jun could almost see Shun pinning Sho against the wall, slowly rubbing against him. And quiet smacking and sucking noises, like more kissing. Or ravishing each other’s mouth, judging from the low moans muffled by the tight seal of the other’s lips.

Another banging noise against the stall, higher up this time – Jun didn’t dare crane his neck, but he had a pretty good idea anyway. Hands pinned up, accompanied by a feral growl, testosterone-laden and guttural.

“Wait… wait a second,” Sho, hoarse, was gasping for air. There was something dark and dangerous to his satiny voice.

“Mhmmmmm?” Shun’s voice was muffled but curious.

“Sorry, stop. Mister, you must be delusional to think you’re having my ass.” Although laughing, it was clear that Sho meant business. “So don’t you dare move that finger any further.”

“Wait – what? You serious?” Ears pressed to the wall – fuck that, Jun wasn’t proud of it, but what was he supposed to do? – Jun listened as the other took a step back and leaned against the stall. “I thought…” a teasing note mingled into Shun’s voice and – knowing his friend (although not as well as he’d thought) – he was probably wiggling his eyebrows.

“Stop thinking, it’s not happening.”

Jun was biting his lip, holding his breath as fabric was dragged over the floor and Sho’s voice was moving closer. He should have seen this coming – Shun was a textbook alpha male and Sho… oh, even though he’d learned to control his temper on camera and knew how to play the fool, he still was the most stubborn person Jun knew – with serious control issues.

“Oh… but **that** isn’t going to happen either.” Jun had to stifle a laugh at the genuine surprise in Shun’s voice.

“For the love of…,” Sho grumble-sighed, but seemed to change gears rather quickly. “You know, they say I’m pretty good.” Jun had to swallow hard as Sho’s voice had dropped an octave in a very… suggestive way.

More shuffling and repositioning, and from the direction of the two men’s voices it seemed like there was a bit more distance between them than before. Which still wasn’t much but…

“Sakurai, I’d have you sing my name. Seriously, you have no idea what you’re missing out on.” What should have sounded ridiculous sent shivers down Jun’s spine and he had to bite down harder to keep from moaning. Seriously, if it were up to him, he’d let both of them have their way with him and pay up to their promises, but… 

… no, he’d die right on the spot if he revealed himself right here, right now. If the two found him here, eavesdropping in impossibly tight pants… god. Never. Never ever! 

“Oguri, I might be drunk but I’m not drunk enough for…”

“I could bring you some beer if that’s what you need to loosen up a little,” Shun chuckled somewhere lost in between a joke and sincerity. “Although, you’d go jelly sooner than you’d think anyways. You know you want to… just let me fully appreciate that firm ass of yours and you’ll thank me later.”

Shun was aiming for seductive, voice low, patient, although Jun knew better not to believe it – knew better to know that Sho wouldn’t fall for it.

“That line ever works?” There, Sho sounded rather amused than anything else.

Pause. 

Not sure if Shun wouldn’t take Sho’s question the wrong way Jun caught himself holding his breath again.

“More often than you’d think…” Finally, a chuckle broke the tension and Jun allowed himself to exhale – silently. “But I don’t make empty promises.”

“Save your sweet talking for someone else, Oguri, you’re killing the mood.” 

“Oh, so now it’s me who’s killing the mood?”

From how their voices were becoming lower and quieter, the two had to be nose-to-nose again – glowering at each other if Jun knew them. His hard-on aside, it was almost painful listening to how they would probably never get to the good part. Just for a second, Jun was tempted to hope they wouldn’t, for all of their sakes. It had been enough of a shock already!

He had no trouble picturing the exasperated look on Sho’s face, having seen it more often than not. Careful to not make a sound, Jun shifted in his seat to get a little more comfortable. If only he could let go of some of the tension… but the two dickheads on the other side didn’t give any indication they intended to leave anytime soon.

“Oh shut up already…” Sho didn’t elaborate but blocked any comeback Shun could muster with another kiss, the way it sounded. More gasps, more breathing through the nose, more low moans muffled against surely swollen lips.

The two were moving again, no doubt about it. Jun could make out a clunk, then a shared chuckle as the toilet flushed. So much for coordination.

“Sakurai, I’ve already told you, you’re not going to…” Moaning, Shun stopped mid-sentence. Whatever Sho was doing, his friend sure liked it – the primal sound making Jun’s cock twitch in anticipation. Oh fuck, he was probably dampening his underwear already…

“Sit down already, you’re too tall.”

“Alright, alright…” It was more of a heated mumble than exasperation, and sure enough Jun could hear something shift and give a slight creak, followed by a guttural growl. “But you’re coming with me.” 

“That was the plan.” More fabric rustling.

Jun froze as Sho’s shirt landed on the floor and slipped halfway over to his stall. What if they looked, came over, found him here? What would he say? How could he possibly explain himself?

But all he heard was an appreciative sigh from Shun and the sound of a hand sliding over skin. Jun had a pretty good idea what his friend was seeing and caught himself instinctively wetting his lips at the image of Sho’s bare chest, firm muscles under soft skin. Was he wearing his piercing? Probably not… Jun hadn’t seen it ever since Sho had started his work at NTV – but nobody could keep him from picturing it now. Not that the image of Sho sitting naked in Shun’s lap needed any spicing up. Was Shun still wearing his shirt? Was he…

A low moan from both men at the other side cut through Jun’s thoughts.

“Oh god, Sakurai, you’re…”

“Fucking. Stop. Talking!”

Shun’s amused chuckle probably earned him a scowl from Sho – not a lot of imagination needed for that. But it soon drowned in a flood of gasps and moans.

Jun was shaking in his lonely stall all by himself, partly with embarrassment, but also with what all of this was doing to his body. He all but saw the two men – one of his closest friends and one of his dearest colleagues. Heard their breathing getting more labored, speeding up. Heard their bodies bumping against each other and their hands moving towards release. Smelled the musky sweat-and-hormone cocktail emanating from them making it so hard to sit still and do nothing.

Jun didn’t dare to move, let alone do something about the growing pain in his pants that was aching for release, but he was too frightened to get caught. As if the two were in any kind of state of noticing anything, their moans increasing in volume, language turning foul. Shun’s dirty talk didn’t surprise him as much as Sho’s – Sho’s! – swearing as the two rode towards their climax.

Jun was a shaking mess by the time first Sho, then Shun screamed out, two guttural sounds followed by heavy, unsteady breathing he’d never expected to hear from either of them. How he was supposed to look them in the eye ever again…

For a brief pause, there was silence, only breathing.

“Oh well, this was fun.” Sho was the one who spoke first, apparently shifting from Shun to get up. It sounded like he was cleaning himself up, judging from the rustling of toilet paper while Shun was only laughing. Jun liked to think his head was still resting against the flushing tank…

He almost jumped when the shirt was snatched up from the floor, pulling his legs up again the very last second – grimacing at the involuntary friction of his jeans against his aching crotch. Jun could make out the sound of a zipper, a clicking belt buckle. 

“We should do this again sometime…” The stall next door opened and Jun heard steps, then running water, apparently Sho cleaning his face before leaving the men’s room.

“Oh that fuck…” It wasn’t hard to picture Shun shaking his head – laughing – and finally following Sho’s lead by getting cleaned up and dressed. 

A few minutes later, Jun could finally breathe and take care of… his most pressing needs. He’d try to wrap his mind around what had just happened later.

**~*~**

When Jun wakes up he’s greeted with a ‘friendly’ reminder of the past. Feeling caught, he quickly pulls his hand back out of his pants and checks on Sho. Luckily, he’s still sound asleep and snoring as if his life depended on it.

Jun allows himself two seconds to marvel at the sight of Sho’s peaceful face, the slight stubble growing on his chin and morning hair sticking out in every direction – not to mention his bare chest rising and falling with every snore he’s taking.

Maybe it’s more like ten or twenty seconds before he forces his mind away from the sight he could admittedly get used to waking up to. Jun is sticky and his pyjama bottoms stained, and he sure as hell doesn’t want to let Sho see him like this.

As quietly as he can, he wiggles out of the blanket and off the bed to just grab some clothes without really looking if they match, and makes a bee-line for the bathroom. 

This hasn’t happened in a long time and, to be perfectly honest, he could have done without it. Deciding it would be best to take a cold shower instead of a warm one, he turns the water on and quickly steps out of his stained pyjamas – he can decide later whether to hand them to the hotel’s cleaning service or to better store them in a plastic bag and hide it in his suitcase. Either way – Sho will never find out about any of it.

With a sigh, Jun steps under the shower, gasping when the cold water hits his flushed skin. “Fuuuuck!” A few more moments pass until he decides that this has to do and adjusts the temperature a little. He’s awake now, that much is for sure.

From the room he can hear Sho’s alarm going off even over the running water – and laughs despite himself as the swearing starts. He makes out something that sounds a lot like a tirade on the unreliability of yukata in general and Sho’s ‘dislike’ for that kind of clothing. Just to put it mildly – but it is enough to help Jun chuckle and ease up a little. 

Once he feels clean again, he turns off the water and steps out of the shower, quickly shaves before using all his products. He doesn’t take as much time as he’d like to but Sho probably would like to use the bathroom as well, so Jun hurries up a little. 

Getting dressed, he’s genuinely surprised that his clothes match – washed out jeans, rosé sweater, can’t go wrong with that – then he wraps his pyjama bottoms in a towel and leaves the bathroom.

“I’m truly sorry if I’ve molested you,” is the first thing he hears from his friend who has readjusted his yukata.

It’s a good thing he’s facing away from Sho as he’s packing away the pyjama bottoms never to be seen again. Jun has to tell his heart to stop racing and needs a couple of moments to set his face in a more neutral and less caught expression. When he’s sure he’s back in control, he turns to his friend, a slight frown on his face. “Why would you be molesting me?”

“In that case, thank you for not noticing. Stupid thing had a mind of its own.” Pointing to his garment, Sho rolls his eyes and exhales heavily. “Nevermind.”

“Well, that’s hardly your fault, is it? If you really feel like apologizing, then how about that snoring of yours? Seriously Sakurai, you sound like an old man at night. Not very becoming,” feeling it’s safer to tease, Jun quickly changes the topic and is relieved when Sho bursts into laughter.

He looks incredibly cute as he scratches his head in embarrassment – making his messy hair even messier. “I’m sorry – but you did get some sleep, right?” There is a hint of hopefulness and caring in his brown eyes that gives Jun stupid butterflies in his stomach and he hates himself for it.

“I did. Barely,” he nods, trying to keep it together, but his mind is wandering back to the night all of its own. So much for changing topic. He’s busying himself with his cell, checking for the time and new mails instead of looking at Sho.

“How about I’ll get you some extra strong coffee to make up for it?” It seems like a genuine apology but that only heightens Jun’s awareness of Sho’s presence.

“How about you hit the shower first? I’ll get your stuff in the meantime and then you can get me that extra strong coffee.”

“Sounds like a good plan.” Sho agrees and, after a short pause, he adds “MatsuJun, you’re the best.”

“I know…”

He feels relief wash over him once he’s left the room and able to put at least some physical distance between the two of them. At any rate he’ll have the room to himself again once the day is over – making things a little easier again.

His life wouldn’t be such a mess if he only felt attracted to his colleague. Attraction’s something you can get over – or so he believes. There’s enough distraction to keep his mind off things – even if he allows himself a fantasy every now and then, but rather when he’s alone. Who could blame him, Sho is a good-looking guy.

But he genuinely likes him and that’s where things get complicated – a feeling he has unsuccessfully been trying to shake off for the past years. Things have gone worse ever since he’s found out about Sho’s preferences – making the impossible possible all of a sudden.

Still – possible doesn’t mean probable. Neither of them has made a move at the other in all those years, though. And Jun can’t shake the feeling that if Sho likes him more than just as a friend, then he would have. Or would he? Jun hasn’t. And there are those moments like earlier when his colleague would look at him and…

It would have been a lot easier, too, if Sho were an ass. Jun could get over him a lot better, even over the knowledge that he might have a shot, if his friend weren’t such a genuinely nice person. Sure, Sho still has a flaring temper sometimes, but they are long past the stage where he’s throwing bags at people.

As things are, Jun will never find out. He’s never come out to his friend – neither about what has happened at the club, nor about the way he feels. A confession would put too much at risk – and Jun wouldn’t know what to say in the very first place. He knows what he feels but not how to put it. How to make Sho understand. Besides, he’s always been better with actions than with words. 

And that’s when it hits him, when an idea starts forming in his head. It’s so stupid, it might even work – or at least he’d know for sure. With a stupid grin on his face, he pulls out his cellphone to make some calls.

**~*~**

„Sorry, but this has to be a bad joke...“ Sho is fuming as he slams the door shut. “Someone really fucked up, I mean… really? How likely is it they lose my reservation twice? One time, okay – even though this has never happened before, but two times? Seriously?”

Letting his suitcase fall to the floor, he stomps into the room. Jun understands where the frustration’s coming from. If he didn’t know what he knows, oh well… he’d probably give the staff some piece of his mind. And he’s not the one with the famous temper.

“I told you, it’s no trouble when you stay here for another night, really. Please don’t worry about that, okay?” Jun’s already by the sofa, opening his suitcase, and tries to figure out what to say to calm Sho down a little. He might no longer be throwing duffle bags around, but his friend can still get pretty angry.

“I... thank you, I really appreciate it. But that’s not the point. The point is, that this is… unheard of. Sorry, but this is just unacceptable. It is their job to make sure the booking runs smoothly – plus, it really isn’t too much to ask for to get all of us a room for the night, right?”

Feeling a little uncomfortable, Jun’s nervously chewing his lip and his eyes follow Sho while listening to his rants. He’s right – although he isn’t. In a way. Sho’s always doing his best, working hard and constantly pushing himself. So it is no wonder he expects the same from everyone else. Jun gets that. He’s no friend of half-assed work ethics either.

Although, the hotel staff hasn’t screwed up the booking this time – but Jun is no longer sure if it really was such a good idea to make the call this morning. Going on with the way things are is… well, probably not madness but it isn’t healthy either. He’s tried to get rid of all these ‘inappropriate’ feelings over and over again – and if almost 15 years didn’t do the trick…

No. He needs an answer. Yes, no – it doesn’t really matter. Of course, Jun’s keeping his fingers crossed for a yes but basically, he just needs an answer, just needs to hear it out of Sho’s mouth so he can either finally close this chapter or open a new one.

“You know what? I’m making the call now. I’d really like to hear an explanation. Actually, I should have made it yesterday.”

But first, he needs to keep Sho from raising hell at the jimusho or at the hotel. “You should at least calm down before calling them, don’t you think?” 

Sho stops pacing up and down and looks at Jun as if he’s suddenly grown a second head – but eventually, he sighs and shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah… you’re probably right.”

Luckily, Sho’s temper tends to fade as quickly as it’s up to ninety. Plus, the years have knocked some sense into that stubborn head of his. 

A close call.

Watching Sho put his cellphone back into his pocket, Jun exhales slowly. It is only then he realizes he’s been holding his breath the entire time.

Maybe he should just spill the beans and come clear before Sho changes his mind again and calls management – he’d better hear it from Jun than from anyone else, giving him some time to explain. 

Making Sho share a room with him again seems a pretty lousy ‘plan’ in retrospect, especially as he still hasn’t made his move yet. It’s just… there’s no turning back after that. Once the words are out, they are out and Jun really cherishes that the two of them are not only colleagues but friends. Maybe not as close as they used to be, but…

… but as long as there’s even the slightest chance it could be more, as long as Jun doesn’t know for sure, it’ll never be enough. He just needs to know and sometimes, well, sometimes you need to risk something to get somewhere.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay – now or never. Gathering all his courage, Jun turns around and slowly starts unbuttoning his shirt, clearing his throat to get Sho’s attention. His colleague looks up, frowns, and turns back to unpack again.

Okay…

Subtle won’t do here – it’s amazing how daft Sho can be with his college degree, but then again, Jun hasn’t done much yet to have his alarms go off. So he steps closer, clearing his throat again, louder this time and catches Sho’s eye first before he slowly circles the fourth ivory button and undoes it. His heart is racing, palms going sweaty, but Jun does his best to not let any of it show – instead, he’s giving Sho his best seductive smile, taking yet another step in the other’s direction.

“Are you okay? You look a little funny?” Sho’s eyes are darting from Jun’s face to his hands, back to his face before seeming to settle for his hands again, not sure what’s happening.

Eyes glued to every little move the other man makes and heart hammering in his chest, Jun forces himself to take his time opening all of the buttons of his shirt, one after the other. “Never been better,” he lets his voice drop into a deeper timbre.

It’s different from ripping his shirt open on stage. Every movement is so exaggerated, so stylized, choreographed and, above all, expected. This is nothing like it. This is real, slow and Jun has no clue how Sho will react to it. Of course, he has a very good idea of what kind of reaction he’s hoping for – but this is new unfamiliar ground.

“You sure?” 

Unable to resist a smile at the uncertain-confused tone in Sho’s voice, Jun slowly traces his finger across his lips and then places it right between his collarbones. “Mhmmmm.” He’s got Sho’s attention now, that much is for sure. “Don’t you like what you see?” In small circles, he’s tracing his finger down, his eyes never leaving Sho’s face.

“I’m not even sure what I’m seeing…”

To be completely honest, he is a bit disappointed at the reaction he’s getting – even though he knows this is Sho. “Maybe you just have to look harder,” he can’t help but suggest. He can feel his fingers trembling but wills them to go on at a steady pace. Further down, circling his bellybutton.

At least Sho hasn’t yelled at him or – worse – laughed. Hasn’t told him off, but is still watching, swallowing hard. Seems like his mind is slowly catching up to what is happening.

“I see what you’re doing, but what are you doing?”

Maybe he should just stop. This is clearly not the reaction Jun was hoping for and it’s really hard to keep going when you’re losing confidence. But he’s not quite ready to give up just yet.

“Take a wild guess.”

A smirk is spreading on his face as Sho’s eyes go wider in surprise when Jun’s finger leaves his navel to wander further south, gently tracing the waistband of his washed-out jeans. He’s still nervous as hell, unsure if this really was a good idea – but the dark look in Sho’s eyes gives him some reassurance.

Although it means breaking eye contact, Jun lets his head fall back, showing Sho the long line of his throat while he carefully rolls his right shoulder, making his shirt slip, thus exposing more of his skin.

Technically, Sho still hasn’t replied yet, but Jun generously takes the nervous cough for an answer as he mirrors his previous movement with his left shoulder.

Jun still won’t look, afraid of what he’ll find, heart hammering in his chest – at the same time turned on by what he knows and can clearly picture he would like to find, and shaking with fear at making a complete fool of himself. There are goosebumps chasing down his spine and his fingers are positively shaking as they start pulling his belt from its buckle.

He hasn’t told him to stop – that’s the straw Jun’s holding on to. Sho still hasn’t told him to stop and that has to account at least for something, right? 

While Jun can’t see, he concentrates hard on what he can hear – Sho’s sharp intake of breath, his uncomfortable shifting while not moving away, apparently still not sure what he’s supposed to do. Well, Jun isn’t entirely sure either, so that makes two of them.

With a final tug, his belt comes loose – Jun’s cue to look up again to meet Sho’s eyes fixed on him, burning. He can still spot traces of doubt but this emotion is quickly clouded by something else. Lust, arousal, for sure… curiosity, yes.

“You’re for real, aren’t you?” Sho’s voice is deeper, slightly rough on the edge of hoarse but Jun doesn’t mind, on the contrary.

With a reassuring smile curling around his lips, Jun lets his belt fall to the ground, his fingers playfully moving to the first button of his jeans. “What does it look like?” 

“And you have thought this through?” One final question Jun decides to answer by straitening his arms to have his shirt slowly sliding off with only a soft rustle as it lands on top of the belt.

The next thing he registers are Sho’s lips against his own, soft, shy – so very different from what he’s pictured again and again after his little revelation in the men’s room. So very, very different and a million times better.

Yet Jun’s still keeping his hands to himself. This wonderful, mind-blowing kiss is more of an answer than he hoped for and he doesn’t trust they won’t give away just how nervous he has been and still is. Their lips are the only point their bodies are touching, instead, a lot more chaste than he would have expected this to go. Although his hope is that this is far from the end…

The tip of his tongue is darting out and brushing Sho’s lips probingly. Sho replies by slightly parting them, granting Jun entrance while Jun feels the other’s hand curving around his jaw, thumb brushing over his cheek.

Happily, he leans more into the kiss, carefully moving forward, exploring, enjoying. There’s this slight tingle when the tips of their tongues meet for the first time, sending pleasant shivers down Jun’s spine.

‘Sho.’ The name won’t quite form but finds its way into his friend’s mouth as a sigh. The echo in his mind is deafening, though. Happily so. All he can think of right now is Sho – and how he wants to feel him. The warm hand cupping his cheek feels like such a sweet promise, but Jun is greedy, wants it all now; he has been waiting and hesitating and pining way too long.

His hands find his way around Sho’s waist, pulling him closer until their lips aren’t the only parts touching. Sho’s body heat feels good against his bare skin, even when it’s only through layers of fabric, Jun decides while he deepens the kiss, tilting his head slightly for a better angle.

Delicate fingers dance over his back as Sho’s other hand moves further, finding their way to Jun’s neck and further up, locking in his hair, gently pulling to break the kiss to gasp for air – only to kiss him again, less sweet this time, but still far from rough.

That’s when Jun gets more daring. He is impatient now that he’s taken the plunge and not been rejected so far. Almost of their own accord, his fingers slip underneath all the fabric, running up and down Sho’s sides, tracing his broad chest, before making short work of his shirt and just pulling it over his head roughly.

It means breaking their kiss and Jun wonders if it’s possible a tongue can feel lonely. He can hear Sho chuckle but doesn’t have enough time to worry if the other man has changed his mind – Sho’s full lips have already found his throat and start placing a trail of butterfly kisses all the way down to his shoulder while Jun’s still trying to get Sho’s stupid shirt off the other’s wrist.

Eventually, he decides to just leave it there as all his pulling remains fruitless – and as he’s way too distracted by the bliss he feels when Sho breathes against his shoulder. A little hot air is all it takes to leave goosebumps that still remain when Sho’s already back claiming Jun’s mouth again.

For a split-second he laments that he still hasn’t had the chance to look at Sho – but he’s waited almost 15 years, so a few more minutes won’t make that much of a difference. Feeling him, tasting him, is so much more real anyway.

Jun is overcome by the desire to leave proof this isn’t just a dream, just some sort of fantasy that’ll be over as soon as he blinks. He hesitates to leave that fuckable mouth, but then trails his tongue along Sho’s jaw, along the side of his neck, and starts sucking.

Shun’s words from back then echo in his mind – no marks where people can see them – but Jun couldn’t care less. Again he hears Sho chuckle and feels a pull at his hair, separating him from the patch of skin he’s fallen in love with.

“We’ve got a concert tomorrow…” 

Never. Never ever has he heard that tone in Sho’s voice, not even back then when he was involuntarily eavesdropping. He wants to commit it to memory, has to do so. Whatever this is, whatever’s happening between them must be for one night. Jun isn’t foolish enough to trick himself into believing that this is forever – his heart wouldn’t make it otherwise.

“…but…” With a little pressure, Sho directs him elsewhere, guiding Jun’s lips to just above the other man’s chest. “… I don’t think any of my costumes have a cut-out there. Only glitter.”

Rather hearing than actually seeing Sho smile, he starts sucking again, thrilled by the revelation that his friend doesn’t mind him leaving proof of this on his body. As much as he would want people to see and wonder, he’s not delusional enough to risk all of their jobs.

While he concentrates on leaving the perfect hickey, he can suddenly feel hands opening the buttons on his jeans, then the zipper. A wave of heat and want washes over him at that, and it’s almost embarrassing just how much he wants all of this. His nails are practically digging into Sho’s pants so deliciously tight over his ass.

The other just makes an appreciative sound that is drowned in the low moan slipping through Jun’s lips at the sensational feeling of Sho’s palm rubbing flatly against his hard-on.

“More.” His eloquence is gone, but Jun’s way too into this to even care at this point – all he knows is that against is not enough, no matter how good it might feel, but around, on is what he wants. Sho’s hand on him, curving around him. “Sho, more.”

Luckily, Sho complies, although pushing Jun’s open jeans down first, pulling his underwear along in the process. Noticing Sho’s dark eyes scanning his naked body, Jun suddenly feels very self-conscious as he steps out of his clothes around his ankles and kicks them out of the way. It is unfair that Sho’s still half-dressed while he…

…doesn’t get to finish that thought as Sho’s fingers gently brush over thin skin stretched over needy heat, sweet caresses before he wraps his hand around Jun’s hard-on, slowly moving up and down. His mind goes blank for a second. Or two. Maybe longer.

He barely registers Sho’s shirt still caught around his wrist flapping against Jun’s bare thighs with every movement. Not that it matters, this is bliss…

Knees turning weak, he is crowding Sho against the next best… couch, apparently. Half of it is still littered with his suitcase and haphazard items of clothing. But as Sho flops down backwards and into it, he won’t let go of Jun. He is barely able to think coherently anymore – Sho’s still got his pants on. Not good. Jun’s so going to come before if…

…if…

…if…

What?

Jun shakes his head to clear his mind, finding back into the here and now. Sho looks up at him from where he’s sitting, his expression a memorable mixture of amusement, excitement and lust with a question shining through – another thing he has to commit to memory for the days and years to come.

Once again, he shakes his head, this time to answer said unspoken question and Sho releases him, hesitantly, but he understands, Jun’s sure of it. Should he…?

Swallowing, Jun slowly gets down on his knees, taking his time to kiss his way down Sho’s torso, his lips brushing over firm muscles. Stopping by the man’s bellybutton, he can feel the dent the piercing has left but misses the cold metal itself.

Like he is in any position to complain – right.

The feel of Sho’s hands tangled in his hair encourages him to look up again, Sho’s trapped shirt brushing his cheek. “May I?” His hand is already resting on the waistband of Sho’s pants.

“Be my guest.”

Jun’s breath catches slightly at the openly heated look he’s getting. So it is a little dazed that he nods. “You’ll first need to get up again, though,” he murmurs. The pants are still in the way.

In one fluid motion, as if they had choreographed it, Jun has opened the buttons and zipper, Sho has gotten up and Jun is pulling down pants and underwear alike just as Sho is falling back into the cushions.

Their eyes meet again, and a smirk is pulling at Jun’s lips. He takes his time, after all, now it is his turn to look, taking all of Sho in – metaphorically speaking – before he leans forward to gently huff against Sho, stealing an open moan from the man above him.

Teasingly, he brushes his fingertips over silken skin, tracing Sho’s vein and feeling his pulse against his finger. “God, Jun…” It’s almost embarrassing how much the dark timbre turns him on right now.

Thinking the cool metal of his ring would offer a nice contrast, Jun scratches it all the way back to the head, repeating the motion several times to see what other sounds he can coax out of Sho.

“Jun!”

It is then, that he replaces his fingertips with his mouth – his lips stretch around the head, tip of his tongue tasting what is decidedly Sho – Jun slowly bumps his head down. A primal sound from the other man is his reward and encouragement to go on.

On his way up, he carefully scratches his teeth over sensitive skin and sucks gently – a sharp hiss from Sho – before going down again. Jun makes quite a show of it, drinking up all the little noises, hoarse breath, guttual moans and primal sounds Sho’s making because of him. It’s so cliché but he feels like a god, enjoys the pull of Sho’s hands in his hair, feels himself respond to the other’s rocking hips when his hand reaches for Sho’s balls while the other hand against his body tries to keep him in place.

It’s too soon when Sho pulls him away, dragging him up for a heated kiss that has nothing to do with the chaste innocent first lock of their lips earlier.

Jun straddles him, his legs no longer able to support him, but his hands exploring greedily. If this is his one chance, then he wants to make good use of it and commit as much as possible to memory – sight, touch, sound, taste, smell, all of it. All of Sho. Just as he wants Sho to remember, to bear marks, at least for a while, proving this isn’t all just a wet dream.

So just like the kiss oscillates between heated biting and nipping, tongues chasing each other, and just exploring every inch of the other’s mouth… just like that, Jun’s hands go from feather-light touches to kneading to scratching and probably – hopefully – leaving red scratch marks.

“It… is unfair you… are such an… exhibitionist… on… stage,” Sho complains between kisses, his hands smoothing along Jun’s sides and Jun laughs. True, his playground for leaving proof of the night is way bigger than Sho’s – and he intends to make the best of it. The thought of Sho carrying a script of tonight is equally thrilling as it is exciting.

His head is falling back when Sho’s hands reach his ass, nails finally digging into his skin with just enough force to not break his skin but leave a mark – and of course Sho’s taking the opportunity to lean forward and suck at his adam’s apple, making Jun go to jelly.

It is time, he has no idea how long he – both of them – can keep this up without coming and if he gets to do this, he wants to go the whole nine yards.

“Sho…”

“Mmmmh?” Jun can feel the vibration against his neck, goosebumps spreading.

Reaching blindly for the suitcase, for what he knows is in it, he shifts a little in the other’s lap. They gasp in unison as their lengths are brushing against each other and Jun hast to conjure up every last scrap of concentration to continue in his search for…

Ha! A slight rustling is heard, then his hand re-emerges, clutching the bottle of lube tightly. 

Sho stops his movements and looks up in surprise, his eyes darting from Jun to the lube back to Jun. “You’ve come prepared?”

If his cheeks weren’t flushed already he’d probably blush but Jun tries his best to hold Sho’s gaze. “Like you mind.” Deciding it is best to not let Sho’s mind wander and think, Jun takes the other’s hand and pours some lube in it.

They have a concert tomorrow and Jun isn’t delusional enough to think he’d make it through the show when he’s completely sore. Just leave all the planning to him. Jun has to congratulate himself for thinking ahead and taking a long shower after today’s show and making extra sure with kleenex at the restaurant before they left for the hotel – but Sho really doesn’t seem to mind…

And he sure knows how to make preparation an experience. Jun’s head falls back as he feels Sho’s fingers gently prodding, making their way in, scissoring, stretching, preparing and already brushing over that sensitive spot inside again and again and again – making him nearly come undone.

“Please!” He doesn’t even recognize his own voice and by the time Sho replaces his fingers, Jun’s no longer sure if he could even write his own name – all he can think of is Sho, Sho, Sho, barely noticing the sound of a condom wrap Sho must have found in his luggage. He’s in a warm happy place right now and – oh god – he feels so full.

In unison, they rock their bodies against each other, sweat-slicked skin against sweat-slicked skin, moaning, panting, screaming. They’re probably giving their neighbors something else to complain about other than Sho’s snoring but Jun’s beyond caring – and so is Sho.

Somehow, Sho’s shirt gets caught between their bodies, constraining Sho’s movements but that doesn’t keep them from going further and further and further – until Jun screams out as he comes, pulling Sho over the edge with him.

Minutes pass until Jun finally slips off, exhausted, coming to rest next to Sho and the suitcase. Wow, he – just wow. Of all the things he’s pictured before going back to their room… okay. His heart is still beating like mad and they probably should clean up soon unless they want it to get sticky – but not just yet. A few more moments to enjoy the, well, moment and… yeah. He’s happy, just happy and tired and a little dizzy, but definitely in a good way.

There’s a soft hum next to him, and as he looks over, Sho sits slumped back into the cushions, head fallen back and resting on the couch as well, eyes closed. Basking in the afterglow.

Jun swallows and tries not to think of things sure to come. He will just commit all this to memory and lock it away. Keep it safe and something just between the two of them. It will be hard to do, really hard…

Maybe, just maybe, he hasn’t really thought this through. Anytime now Sho will drop a line like he did back then with Shun and things will grow awkward between them. 

He feels Sho shift on the sofa, watches him get rid of the condom and toss it in the bin (erm, disgusting?) before meeting his eyes. Now, it’s sure coming now and he isn’t prepared for this at all.

“Jun...”

Tears welling up at his name whispered with so much affection, Jun tries to blink them away. All the years, all the tension, it falls off his shoulders, his heart beating like mad, almost bursting. “I… before you say anything, I have a confession to make.”

“Mhmmm?” Sho leans forward to gently brush a single tear aside.

“Please don’t call management, the hotel didn’t mess up the reservation. At least not today.” He meant to say something else but isn’t quite ready yet. Hopefully, Sho won’t take it the wrong way.

The soft chuckle surprises him, but he can feel himself relax at the same time. “I know.”

“You know?”

“Well… I figured by the time you got out the brand new lube…”

Despite himself, Jun has to chuckle as well. “You should have seen the poor assistant’s face when—” He stops himself and instead asks, “Anyway, I hope you’re not mad?”

Sho takes a deep breath, looking pensive for a second, before his eyes meet Jun’s again. “Maybe a little.” He nods to give his words more weight, it seems, naked as they still are.

“I’m sorry,” Jun finally says after giving it some thought, meaning it. 

“I’m not.” Sighing, Sho once again tries to free himself from the shirt that’s still caught around his wrist. “But next time, just say something, okay? No need to trick me into anything.”

“So there’s a next time, huh?” Jun inquires, leaning forward to take Sho’s hand to help him get rid of the fabric.

“Oh, I hope there is.”

**~*~**


End file.
